Divine Liver and Onions (1/23/06)
So, I was watching "Jesus Christ Superstar" (ALW's best musical, I think, though "Cats" was okay too), and there was the scene with the last supper. Bob mentioned that the Catholic Church went nuts over that scene, because it used the bread and wine as metaphors, not the actual transubstantiation (look it up!) of Christ's blood and body.
Well, I got to thinking, and you know, there was more than bread and wine at the Last Supper. Sure, JC's got them thinking on the bread and the wine, but what about the other food on the table?
"Jesus, this is a great spread. I don't know how you do it."
"Nothing's too good for my apostles. How's the wine?"
"Transubstantialicious, thank you. You know, I can dig the whole 'Wine/blood' thing, but what about the olives?"
"You know - the olives. You served us bread, you served us wine, you served us olives. What do the olives represent?"
"What do they repre- eyeballs. They're my eyeballs. Satisfied?"
"Uh, yeah. Oh, hey - what are the stuffed grape leaves?"
"Well, they're pickled grape leaves wrapped around rice and other nice things, and marinated in olive oil and vinegar."
"No, no - they're great, by the way, I must get the recipe - no, I mean, what do they represent?"
"Grape leaves. They represent stuffed grape leaves."
"Aw, c'mon, JC - "
"Don't call me that!"
"Okay, okay, *Jesus*, what body part are they for?"
*sigh* "My kidneys. Eat them and ye shall be reminded of me."
"Uh, no thanks - I'm not really into organ meats. How about the vinegar?"
"Do you really want to know?"
"Uh, I guess not. You know, this bread is *really* good. Nice body, Jesus."
"Thanks. Is there anything else you want to know?"
"Peter wants to know what the two oranges and a banana represent."
"Shut up and eat."
"No, really, we're not pulling your chain, we want to know... Uh, why is Mary Magdalene laughing at us?"
"Never you mind. Look, it's just a meal, you know? Sort of a going-away present for you guys, and something to remember me by when you eat these foods in the future. How about a nice olive?"
"Ummmm... we're not really hungry any more."
I am *so* going to be struck by divine lightning.
(Bob came up with the "two oranges and a banana" line, just so you know.)