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NOTE: This form must NOT be shown to competitors; the information will be used against them later.
Welcome to the Super-Secret Evil Laurel Cabal [TM pending; the incriminating photos are in the mail]. From now on, please use this judging form for all competitions, displays, and incidental contact with poor pathetic losers who mistakenly think they'll be Laurels some day aspiring artisans.
Once completed, file in alphabetical order (by first name to adjust for the fact that most SCA "artisans" wouldn't know a period name if it walked up and slapped them - they think every name has a "the" in it) and keep in a locked cabinet. Or commit it to memory and eat it. Anything. Just don't let the unwashed masses see it for God's sake, or we'll have to start over in an undisclosed location. And we won't be inviting YOU.
(Circle one response from each set of answers.)
Section 1: Overall appearance
A. This entry:
1. Sucks
2. Sucks dishwater
3. Makes my eyes bleed
4. Should be subjected to ritual burning.
B. The materials used:
1. Suck
2. Suck because they aren't documented properly
3. Suck because they're nicer than the stuff I use
4. Need to be destroyed, and the entrant publicly humiliated.
C. The documentation:
1. Sucks
2. Sucks because it took too long to read
3. Sucks because it didn't have enough pretty pictures
4. Lacked plot.
Section 2: Quality of work
A. The general construction:
1. Sucks
2. Looks like it was done by blind orphans
3. Looks like it was nibbled by mice
4. Looks like it was nibbled by blind orphan mice.
B. The finishing work:
1. Sucks
2. Sucks because it's better than mine, dammit
3. Sucks because nothing is ever good enough to satisfy me
4. Is so anal in its perfection it would scare Martha Stewart.
C. The methods used:
1. Suck
2. Suck because they aren't period
3. Suck because they ARE period, but I'm in a pissy mood
4. Should be disqualifed because one of the forty-seven steps is only documented from three sources, not four.
Section 3: Evaluation of "Artisan" as possible Laurel candidate
A. The candidate:
1. Should be killed
2. Should be killed because they're better than me
3. Should be killed because we have enough Laurels in this discipline
4. Should be killed because it would make the event a lot more interesting.
B. Hey, murder is period. Especially murdering your rivals.
C. Okay, so we're not going to kill the candidate. Should we recommend them for elevation?
1. No
2. Hell no
3. Over my dead body
4. My dead body will come back to life and eat your brains if you elevate this person.
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Sign and date the form (use someone else's name so they'll get the blame if the form is discovered), and turn in to the Grand Laurel Pooh-Bah of EvilTM (name to be disclosed later, we're not stupid).
[The Blue copy goes to accounting, the red copy gets returned to the judging Laurel to do whatever they want with it (including, but not limited to, bribery, extortion, pain and suffering, and cruel amusement), the Green copy goes in the candidate's permanent record, and the Yellow copy gets destroyed, because we don't like yellow. Pelicans use it for their protege belts, you know.]
Thank you, and have an Evil Day.TM
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